Positive Discipline Tool Card - Wheel of Choice

Using the Wheel of Choice is one way to teach Problem-Solving.

1) Brainstorm (with your children) a list of possible solutions to everyday conflicts or problems.
2) On a pie shaped chart write one solution in each section and let children draw illustrations or symbols.
3) When there is a conflict, suggest the children use the wheel of choice to find a solution that will solve the problem.


You can download the Wheel of Choice or you can make one of your own. We are going to put the Wheel of Choice on our refrigerator and try it during the week. The most common problem in our family right now is sibling rivalry, so it will be nice to direct my kids to the Wheel of Choice so they can solve the problem on their own.

Gardening 101

As many of you know, we decided to plant a garden this year. My hope was that my children might eat more vegetables if they participated in planting and harvesting the crop. Unfortunately peas are still peas even if you grow them yourself. But there were a few crops that my kids would eat. One of those crops was corn. We enjoyed all three of the edible ears of corn that came from our garden this year. Which brings me to lesson one from our gardening experience: Corn is best left to the roadside vendors who have enough land to grow a corn maze in the shape of Elvis.

The other veggies that my children will eat are broccoli (I know...kind of a stunning discovery) and carrots. Of course, these were the crops that DID NOT grow well in our little family garden. We planted the garden May 1st. It is now the end of September and below is a picture of one of our carrots. How long can it possibly take for a carrot to grow? Did we plant baby carrots?

The broccoli plants in our garden are HUGE...taking up almost 1/3 of the garden. But below my daughter is holding the single broccoli flowerette that has been harvested so far. Not exactly an efficient use of land.

There are some vegetables that have grown quite well in our garden. Ironically these are also the vegetables that my children HATE! The first crop that we harvested was zucchini. I'm pretty sure that zucchini could grow on most planets in our solar system. But be careful, because if you turn around for a second they can get the size of a watermelon. By the way...don't even try planting watermelon. We devoted an entire section of our garden to watermelon and not a single plant survived.

The next plants to be ready for harvesting were the peas and beans. Of course my kids hate peas and beans. So for two weeks I had enough peas and beans for me and my neighbors.

Another crop that has done quite well are the tomatoes. Fortunately, I LOVE tomatoes! Growing up in Southern California my dad would take us out to the tomato orchards and let us pick our own tomatoes. I can remember eating them right there like an apple. Right now my cherry tomatoes are coming on like wild fire. Every day I go out and pick enough for a salad. Pretty soon the regular tomatoes will be ready and it will be salsa time!

Finally, there is one more surprising development in our garden. A lone pumpkin hiding beneath the zucchini and tomato leaves. You would not believe the amount of leaves and vines that are winding through our garden just to produce this single little pumpkin. But it looks as though it will be ready in time for Halloween.

All in all our garden has been a good experience. Even though my children didn't eat all the crops, they did enjoy going out and helping me find vegetables that were ready to harvest. And besides...gardening is in my genes. My dad was a master gardener and his grow box crops were legendary! :-)

Positive Discipline Tool Card - Anger Wheel of Choice

Anger Wheel of Choice

1) Teach your children that feelings are always okay, but what they do is not always okay.
2) During a time when your child is feeling calm, show him or her the Anger Wheel of Choice and go  over the respectful alternatives for expressing anger.
3) When your child is angry, validate feelings and then invite him or her to choose an action from the Anger Wheel of Choice.


This seems to be a tool card designed for younger children. Although when I introduced the tool card to my children, my 11-year-old daughter said "That's a good idea!", and proceeded to mold clay in the shape of her brother and pounded it with her fist.  I'm not sure that is exactly the intent of this tool card, but at least she found a safe way to express her aggression. :-)

Positive Discipline Tool Card - One Word

One Word

Avoid lecturing and nagging. Use one word as a kind reminder.

1) “Towel.” (for the towel left on the floor)
2) “Dog.” (when the dog has not been fed)
3) “Dishes.”
4) “Bedtime.”
5) When agreements are made together in advance, one word is often all that needs to be said.


I like this tool card a lot! We are actually trying this because my son has a tendency to be a bit negative (especially towards his sister). So we discussed the problem and came up with the word "sunshine" as a reminder to not be so negative. I think he likes that a lot better than getting a lecture from me on the finer points of being positive. It can also be can kind of fun. When you say the one word reminder you might get a little grin from your children when the light bulb goes on and they remember what they need to do.

Positive Discipline Tool Card - Eye to Eye

Have you noticed it doesn’t work when you sit on the couch and yell at your child from across the room?

1) Stop whatever you are doing. Get up and get close enough to your child to see his or her eyes.
2) You’ll notice that you speak more softly when you make the
 respectful effort to see your child’s eyes.


This tool card is similar to the Pay Attention and Listen tool cards. But I think we need more than one way to remember this concept. It makes such a big difference when our children feel like they have our undivided attention. Often we forget this concept for the sake of expediency. But if you stop and think about it, does it really save time when we are multi-tasking and treating our kids like objects on the chess board of life?

How long does it take to stop what we are doing, get down on our child's level, look in their eyes and speak to them respectfully. "Emma, could you please be in charge of getting your room cleaned up before we leave for our vacation?" Compare that to yelling down the stairs "Emma...you need to clean your room before we leave for vacation!!!" You will probably need to yell that same thing 3 or 4 times before the child will even acknowledge your existence. Especially if they happen to be watching television at the time. So ask yourself..."Which method is really more efficient?"