Too often logical consequences are poorly disguised punishments.
1) Use consequences rarely. Instead, focus on solutions.
2) When appropriate, follow the
Four Rs of Logical Consequences:
1) Related
2) Respectful
3) Reasonable
4) Revealed in advance when possible.
This is such a hard one for parents. We either want to rescue our children from the logical consequence or we want to pile on a little extra punishment so they will learn their lesson. Dr. Jane Nelsen has used the example of a child who spills the milk. The logical consequence would be that the child cleans up the spilled milk. But often parents will clean up the spilled milk for the child while they are scolding the child so they will feel bad for their mistake. Or they will make the child clean up the spilled milk and scrub the entire kitchen floor while they are at it so they will learn their lesson. But if we follow the Four Rs of Logical Consequences, we can respectfully help our children take responsibility for their actions.
Here is a good article by Dr. Jane Nelsen on using solutions.
6 comments:
So what would you suggest the parent do in the scenario given: he spilled the milk?
If a child spills the milk...the logical consequence would be to clean up the spilled milk. That is Related, Reasonable and Respectful.
Stacy, if the child spills the milk, I think the parent should help the child feel capable by encouraging him/her to clean it up themselves, and not to get angry.
"Oops, looks like you need a cloth to clean that up".
Accidents happen. We're always so good to friends if a mistake happens, but sometimes not so forgiving when it's our family.
That would be my response, to say Ooops and clean it up. I was curious if that was what this blog would suggest as well. Thanks!
Just found this website thanks to Kellymom.com..great stuff! I was left hanging on the part about using logical consequences sparingly..instead, try to use solutions... wanted to hear more on *that*. Thanks!
Here is a great article by Dr. Jane Nelsen. http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/no-more-logical-consequences.html
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