How To Make It Snow

How to guarantee a winter season of record snowfall...

Step One: Buy a snow blower right before a string of winter droughts. Sure you'll be so excited to have your new snow blower that you will start it up at the first hint of snow. You'll wake all the neighbors just to clear off that 1/2 inch of snowfall.

Step Two: Wait! And wait...and wait...and wait. For the big snow storm. But it never comes. In fact, your snow blower has been sitting in the tool shed so long it needs a tune up.

Step Three: Tune up your show blower. Go spend the $60 to have your snow blower tuned-up to clean out all the sludge from the carburetor. Then repeat Step Two: Wait for snow. But for the second winter in a row there is barely a flurry. You're out playing golf in January and your snow blower is sitting home clogging up it's carburetor again.

Step Four: (and this is the most critical step) Don't tune up your snow blower.

And now the stage set for a winter of record breaking snowfall.

Step Five: Buy a snow shovel. The first snowfall hits and your snowblower won't start, so you buy a snow shovel. After all...how hard can it be to shovel a few inches of snow a couple times during the winter. When the first light snowfall hits you cheerfully go out and shovel the driveway waving to the neighbors with a big smile on your face. But then it snows 6 inches. The thought crosses you mind "Maybe I should have taken the snowblower in for a tune-up?" But your pride takes over and you take a stand! "NO! I'm not giving that mechanic another $60 this year!" Although in the back of your mind you know you're too late and that poor mechanic is so backed up with procrastinators that your snowblower wouldn't be done until spring anyway.

So you shovel....and shovel....and shovel!!! It snows so much the city burns through their annual snow clearing budget in the first month! It snows so much the neighbors have a sledding hill in their front yard! It snows so much you check your drivers license to make sure it doesn't say Alaska! And to add insult to injury...every time you shovel the driveway, you have to reach over that snow blower to get the shovel!

So that my friends is how you create a record breaking winter snowfall. Of course next winter I will take my snow blower in for a tune-up and there will be another winter drought. But at least I won't have to SHOVEL!!!